Sonntagsliteratur: The way it is

Heute mal ein Drama auf Englisch, da ich es während meiner Zeit in Irland schrieb:


A room with a table and two chairs, two armchairs and a television set.

Josefine, carrying two big shopping bags, enters.
Josefine: Hey love, how are you?

Steven sitting in an armchair, watching TV: Ya, ya, I‘m fine.

Josefine: How was your day?

Steven: Hmm, good.

Josefine: Right.

Steven: Just came home. Loads of work in the lab. The experiment didn‘t work.

Josefine: Why not?

Steven: Josie, you don‘t understand these things.

Josefine: Thanks a million.

Steven: I‘m not really aloud to talk about it anyway.

Josefine: Oh ya, I forgot. I‘m the dangerous spy. Or maybe I‘m just too stupid.

Steven: You know you‘re not. It‘s just that you don‘t have a clue about biology. See, I don‘t have a clue about literature. That‘s just the way it is. Oh, and did you get my text that I couldn‘t do the shopping? Even our lunch break was just about fifteen minutes.

Josefine: Yes, I got it. Imagine, I even found time to buy food. Even though I had six lectures today, and had to go to the library, and had no car, and it was raining cats and dogs. Yes, I suppose I‘ve had a lovely day, thanks for asking anyway, darling.

Steven: Listen, baby, when you‘re cranky, don‘t blame it one me, right. I had a hard working day, and all I want now is to watch the telly. So can you please be quiet?! But if you want to make up for your bad mood, you could bring me a beer from the fridge. And my coat needs to be washed, a test tube tipped over today.


Josefine and Steven sitting at the table, eating breakfast

Josefine: It‘s a nice Sunday, isn‘t it. We could go to the beach and take a walk.

Steven: Josie, it‘s January, it‘s feckin‘ cold outside.

Josefine: We could go and see my parents.

Steven: Don‘t you have any homework for college to do? Jaysus. I want to have a quiet Sunday. Besides, I have to go to the lab after lunch. I have to put the colibacilli from the centrifuge into the fridge. And I want to prepare the next steps.

Josefine: Who else is going to the lab on a Sunday afternoon?

Steven: What do you mean? Just me. I might meet Anne there or Mary, but they are working on totally different stuff. Don‘t look at me like this now. The experiment is really important. If I don‘t care for the bacilli today, they‘re not reproducing fast enough, or they might even die until tomorrow. It won‘t take longer than two hours.

Josefine at the same time: That‘s at least four hours so. Is your boss going to the lab on Sundays or does he just send his little doctorands?

Steven: Don‘t be stupid. He‘s working a lot at home. This is all about science. You know, if our experiments are successful, things might change in the world. You just don‘t understand it because your subject isn‘t scientific at all. I mean, Josie, honestly, who needs literature. There are no rules, or laws of nature. That‘s just the way it is. This is why many stupid people can study literature, it‘s just attaching some meaning to a text without having a good proof, whereas only really intelligent people can do biology. Anyway, why don‘t you go alone to your parents?

Josefine: Yes, you‘re right. I need to get out of here. Where are the car keys?

Steven: Oh no, baby, I need the car in the afternoon.

Josefine: It‘s only ten minutes walking to the lab.

Steven: It‘s feckin‘ freezing outside. Sure you don‘t want me to be ill. Why don‘t you take the bus?

Josefine: Ya, fine. Know what, have a nice day.

Steven: I will, my love. Oh, the cartoons are just starting, sorry, don‘t say anything else now, please.


Steven sitting in an armchair, watching TV.
Josefine enters, dances in front of the TV, undresses slowly.

Steven: Baby, can you please get out of the way. The Simpsons are on. Silence. Oh, don‘t cry. Sit down and watch the Simpsons. It‘s really funny today. Silence.

Josefine: When‘s the last time, we had sex?

Steven: Why? I don‘t know. I suppose about two weeks ago.

Josefine: Six weeks, six weeks.

Steven: So? See, darling, I know we might not have sex as often as other people.
Josefine laughing scornfully.
But the truth is that I don‘t think you‘re very attractive anymore. I mean that‘s normal, you know that‘s just the way it is in every longterm relationship. You know I still love you, I just don‘t find you attractive at the time. But you must admit that it‘s true. You always wear these cotton vests, and these thick tights.

Josefine: It‘s winter. And at least I‘m not sitting here wearing my oldest tracksuit that hasn‘t been washed in ages because the nice manly smell could fade or the clothes could tear.

Steven: That‘s really nice that you want to wash it. Listen, I‘ll just change. I‘m back in a second. Maybe you can also have a look into my wardrobe, I think there are a few other dirty clothes. Thanks, Josie.


Josefine and Steven sitting at the table, having dinner.

Steven: By the way, darling, my lab and me, we‘re going out Friday night. You know, we‘ll go to that cocktail bar, and afterwards probably to a club.

Josefine: Yes?

Steven: Ya, I just wanted to tell you.

Josefine: I thought we wanted to go out on Friday. Theatre. Remember?

Steven: Oh, come on, Josie. You must understand that my lab and my work are very important, right? And we can go to the feckin‘ theatre any other day. Or you know what, it‘s probably the best when you go there alone. You know I find it really boring anyway. So we could both do what we like.

Josefine: Why can‘t I come with you?

Steven: Baby, cause this is my work. You understand? All the other ones don‘t bring their partners either. You know that‘s work life, this is private life. And I don‘t want to mix them. Never. That‘s just the way it is.

Josefine: But I wanted to go out with you.

Steven: We can go out any other day.

Josefine: What about tonight? We could go to the club?

Steven: Oh, come on. It‘s the middle of the week. I‘m tired, I was in the lab from half seven a.m. until half eight p.m., all I want is to have a nice and quiet evening. Besides, you know, it‘s kind of boring when just the two of us go out. Then it‘s only the two of us talking the whole time. I really prefer staying here, see, „Lost“ starts in five minutes.


Josefine and Steven standing in front of the table, in the middle of having sex.

Steven: Oh, oh my God. Jaysus. That‘s unbelievable. Exciting. So great. Wow. Oh man. Look, Ballack made a goal, it‘s 1:1.

He drops her, and goes to watch TV. She falls and her back hits the edge of the table.

Josefine crying: Ouch, oh, that hurts. Sweetheart, can you please help me? Steven! Hey, you feckin‘ asshole.

Steven: Shhh. Don‘t bother me!

Josefine: You know what, fuck off! Fuck off, you bloody bastard!

Steven: Listen, I really don‘t want to fight with you now. I want to watch this match. Right, Josie?! But anyway don‘t forget that this is my appartment. My name‘s on the contract.

Josefine leaves the room, returns with two suitcases.

Josefine: Fine, eejit, I‘m going.

Steven: Shhh.

Josefine: Actually, you know what. The telly belongs to me. It‘s mine. You understand?!

Steven: What are you talking about? Come on, darling, just be good and quiet, okay?

Josefine leaves again, returns with a giant hammer. She smashes the TV set.

Steven: Are you nuts? What the feck are you doing?

Josefine: Let‘s see. I‘m smashing my telly. Let‘s see, it‘s my telly, just in case you should have forgotten. My telly. And I just don‘t like it anymore. That‘s just the way it is.

Steven: You‘re really bollocks.

Josefine taking her suitcases and leaves.

Steven: See you tomorrow anyway, baby. That‘s just the way it is, you know.

© Wildkatze

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